you make me wanna run away
by theghostqueen
Summary: I'm caught up in this fascination, coping with your alarms. I see your name on the walls again, you collect lovers like gemstones./ ChuckxBlair oneshot, deals with the events up to the season 3 finale.


Title: you make me wanna run away

Summary: I'm caught up in this fascination, coping with your alarms. I see your name on the walls again, you collect lovers like gemstones.

AN: Lowercase, again! So this was supposed to be about how different Blair is acting right now, but it turned into this weird piece about Chuck and Blair up until the season 3 finale. I actually kind of like it, though. So stick it out till the end and let me know what you think! Oh and the title and summary are from Runaway by The Kooks.:D

/

once, she was a diamond- uncuttable and strong, lusted after and unbreakable. all bowed down to her, and she was safe, protected by her veil of perfection.

diamonds cut diamonds.

caution was thrown to the wind as she discovered another diamond in the back of the limo.

suddenly she was a pool of liquid on the floor, a young girl desperate to cling to her innocence. she started watching her back, and she started stabbing other's backs before they stabbed hers. this diamond that she had discovered was her equal, her perfect half, and he cut her. the cuts were easy and fluid, required no such more effort than a few harsh words or a touch on some whore's lower back.

diamonds sparkle, and their light started to reflect off of each other.

he apologized to her, and he didn't quite earn her forgiveness but she gave it to him anyway. she figured that diamonds needed a chance to shine. the next night this boy abandoned her in Tuscany and she swears off diamonds. pearls, she thinks. she uses the pearls and the headbands to hide the hurt and tries to search for a pearl: for something plain, simple, easy, found in the most unexpected of places.

she never forgives the diamond but he pulls her near him anyway and she tries to resist his gravitational pull, because being pulled into his orbit would be like giving up.

diamonds are susceptible to small amounts of defects or impurities. she tells Chuck Bass that she loves him after his father dies, and she isn't quite sure what she was hoping for, but he cuts her again, sharp and calculated.

she cries tears and they glitter in the sunlight like tiny diamonds. she is still beautiful, even when she is crying in the middle of a busy street, but she doesn't know this and when an ugly cab driver tells her this she is repulsed. diamonds are exclusive, the best of the best, but they can be a little transparent.

with a newfound lightness she finds the missing pearl in her life in a place she has been before but perhaps never truly visited- Nathaniel Archibald. Nate makes her feel content. he makes her secure. so, she starts her efforts to build up her fortress again. purging made the food go away a long time ago, so maybe it will make her problems go away now. she begins to try and purge Chuck Bass and his cutting remarks and his sarcastic edge from her life, but she loves him too much. she's always had an affinity for the sparkly things. Nate is the perfect gentleman but nothing else, and with Nate her life is usual, and the same thing happens every day, and there is no secret sex in the bathroom or roleplaying after school. she attends the same parties she has her whole life with the same people and she has the most fabulous, extravagant dress on but a boring boyfriend on her arm that just doesn't match. prom may be everything she had ever dreamed of, but it was still missing something. she and nate broke up that night, and it wasn't fiery or fierce or intense and was instead calm and stagnant, two things that blair waldorf has too much fire to ever be.

only another diamond could match her glitter and sparkle and intensity.

she and chuck bass get back together again and are perfect for a while. however, diamonds may be unbreakable, but they are also untamable. chuck bass trades her for a hotel and the pain makes her lose sight of herself for a while, so she runs to Paris. she had loved him, and he had used that in his sick game. a secret about diamonds is that they are so shiny that they can't help but love themselves over all else, sometimes. so, with a strong love of self, Chuck Bass loses his faith and his girlfriend in one night, and that night the hole that had formed in his heart becomes real as he gets shot in Prague.

in paris, blair waldorf stands in front of a mirror and takes a look at herself, and hates everything, from her beautiful chestnut hair to her perfectly manicured feet. she despises her perfect figure and her almond eyes and her supple lips and her porcelain skin. and most of all, she hates her heart, as she can hear it's beating echoing back to her in the dark Paris night. she recites her flaws as if she has them memorized, and repeats them like a mantra as she remembers that she will never be good enough for anyone or anything or even herself. she had let herself forget, while she was with chuck. she needs a constant reminder. diamonds may be a girl's best friend, but blair waldorf is a woman now, and she knows of a diamond that may be her biggest enemy. "The thing about diamonds," she says as a diamond necklace received on her seventeenth birthday goes in the trash, "is that they are just another _stone._" Her necklace echoes, loud and hollow, as it hits the trash and blair waldorf hits the floor with a wild sob.

in prague, chuck bass was shot but all he can feel is his heart being cut into a million tiny pieces on the floor by a deal with jack bass and not a bullet. in his peripheral view, he vaguely sees red and blue lights pulsing as they approach, getting closer and closer until they are close enough to touch. they blind him and he looks up at the dark, peaceful sky and he wants to die. he wants to die because he hurts the people he loves and he never gets enough hurt himself. if she just didn't love you so much, he tells himself over and over like it is some consolation for his treachery. he repeats it like a mantra in his head, not out loud, because his tongue feels wet and thick and slimy and refuses to cooperate. people are approaching him now, he thinks through the deep fog that clouds his mind. his vision fades and his eyes are still trained on the sky, away from the bright lights. his head lolls to the side as he is moved onto a stretcher and a new brightness enters his vision. hundreds of stars shine down on him, twinkling in the sky like little diamonds. his eyes fixate on one in particular, the biggest of them all, one so huge that he cannot help but want to latch onto it and take some of it's beauty for himself. he passes out, his eyes involuntarily closing as he exerts all of the energy he has left reaching for that diamond in the sky.

diamonds cut diamonds.

then again, maybe they never were like diamonds anyway- diamonds are beautiful and controllable and they knew how much they are worth.


End file.
